Jealousy Versus Admiration: Change The Polarity On Jealousy And Let Admiration Recharge You

One of the factors that separates jealousy from admiration is pain, a painful awareness of others' abilities, possessions, successes and situations. And what happens when we remove this pain? We can then admire, just the opposite of jealousy.

In this article, we will look at why we need to be aware of jealousy, how it differs from envy and how and why we should turn it into admiration.

What Is Jealousy?

If you feel some lacking because you want to be part of an elite group, that could be envy. However, if you wish the group would cease to exist, that sounds like jealousy. When we feel jealous, our success and the success of others are mutually exclusive. Envy is limiting because it involves measuring ourselves by someone else's standards (and falling short), while jealousy is actively destructive.

Jealousy Often Triggers Unhappiness

Jealousy is a normal feeling. We all feel jealous at one time or another. An inability to move past this feeling, however, can hold us back, limiting personal development. According to the studies of Niels van de Ven, benign envy and admiration can lead to more motivation. Malicious envy, however—which could arguably be defined as jealousy—is damaging.

When you aspire to be more, you cannot help but become a little greater. Admiration expands your horizons. Jealousy, on the other hand, is diminishing. It's about pulling others down, not building yourself up. Moreover, jealousy is bad for your health. According to research, jealousy can increase stress, anxiety and depression. It can damage you and those around you, not least because it can lead to bullying, as one works to diminish others in a vain attempt to increase low self-esteem.

Jealousy means losing focus on your own life and turning attention to the life and accomplishments of another, often someone you don't even know. While focusing outward can be helpful, such as when overcoming shyness, focusing on others because we are jealous can sap energy and focus that should be directed toward our own goals.

As a trigger of unhappiness, jealousy puts others in charge of your personal development. However, it's much more powerful, effective and pleasurable to be the captain of your own ship. Therefore, drop jealousy from your life. When you do feel jealousy, as most of us inevitably do, try to turn it into admiration.

While jealousy may seem objective, it's based on a lack of self-esteem or self-worth. If you allow jealousy into your life, you are allowing yourself to feel like you're not good enough. This feeling can persist, no matter what you have achieved because it’s not based on lack of achievement, it has its origin much deeper in your psyche.

One of the prime jealousy triggers is success or achievement by people who are considered peers. While it's easier to admire someone who is competitively “above your level,” such as when you as an amateur golfer admire a professional, someone closer to your own level is more likely to arouse feelings of inferiority and jealousy. Emotional intelligence can help make you more aware of your emotions, including jealousy triggers. As you notice that you are feeling jealous, don't chide yourself. With a growth mindset, you can learn to admire.

Remedying Jealousy Triggers With Admiration

Begrudgingly acknowledging someone else’s successes is not the same as admiration. You need to go further and openly acknowledge it. You need to admire vocally and unashamedly.

If you keep your admiration to yourself because it feels threatening to your self-worth, it's probably jealousy! Seeing yourself as being in competition or feeling that someone else's success diminishes you is an unhappiness trigger to remedy with admiration.

Practical Steps To Turn Jealousy Into Admiration

• Remember that no one is immune to envy or jealousy. The key is to recognize it when it happens and act accordingly.

• When you recognize feelings of jealousy, beating yourself up about it can make the feelings worse. Instead, observe the feeling without judgment.

• Remember that jealousy is so prevalent that it's likely people are jealous of you. We all have something that others think they lack.

• Appreciate that everyone's story is different. You don't necessarily know what it took for a person to get to where they are today. There is no one path or one definition when it comes to success.

• When you have observed a feeling of jealousy, spend a minute or two actively admiring the same factors or qualities that previously caused pain. You may be surprised by how quickly you can turn a negative, draining emotion into a positive emotion that replenishes you.

• Set your own standards and values. Living with jealousy means living up to others’ ideas.

• Have faith in yourself and your abilities. Developing your self-esteem and trusting yourself can help you overcome jealousy.

Conclusion

Whenever you feel jealousy, take that energy and turn it into something positive by using it to admire, vocally and openly. By actively admiring others, you can become more energized, more motivated and more attractive to the very people who can help you achieve your goals.

This article was initially published in Forbes